She meant the world to me. I looked up to her. I was always smiling around her.
Taken away when I needed her most
My Nan was my role model. She done a lot for other people. She would listen. She would take me out on little day trips. She was the PERFECT Nan. She’s someone I wish wasn’t taken away from me.
When I was at my lowest, I needed her. I need her today. Tomorrow. The next day. My Nan was my rock. I could trust her. I could confide in her. She was my Nan.
Suicide, bullying, my Mum’s first Cancer battle…
I really needed her. I needed her shoulder to cry on. I needed someone I could call and know there’ll be there for me. The pink wafer biscuits. The glasses of milk. The sleepovers we would have. I felt safe. I felt my Nan was the one person I could talk to about anything and she’d listen. She’d take me to little villages to give me some head space. She’d make me lunches full of the things I loved most. She was the best.
She still is the best
I wish there for a chance for me to spend one more day with her. I wish I could show her the person I am today. She inspired me. I want to tell her that.
I feel her here. I know she’s next to me. I know she’s looking down on me. She’s on this journey with me. A journey to carry her legacy on. Her legacy is my motivation.
She was a community person. She helped so many people. She wouldn’t judge. She’d be there with open arms. She is the person I aspire to be. She’s the person I still look up to today.
The heartache never leaves you
Losing her is still raw. It feels like it just happened. She’s in my heart. She’s in my thoughts.
When you lose someone, it’s heartbreaking. I felt it when I wrote this post. The people you love are never forgotten. They’re always with you. Even just their soul. You know they’re with you. They guide you. They inspire you. The memories you have still brighten your day.
I just wish I had more time with her…
I woke up the morning after visiting her in hospital and my Mum was in bits. I remember this too well. I knew what happened. Her tears told me. My Nan, Mum and I are so alike. It’s unreal.
I couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t speak. I ran and ran. My bedroom door was shut. I was hurled up in a ball. I lost someone. I lost the one I looked up to. I lost the person who made me smile the most. I lost the only person I felt truly safe around.
I miss her you know. I was only a kid. A kid when the start of the toughest period of my life appeared.
More to come…
Images taken by Tajinder Kaur