My Nan was taken away when I needed her most…

She meant the world to me. I looked up to her. I was always smiling around her.


Taken away when I needed her most

My Nan was my role model. She done a lot for other people. She would listen. She would take me out on little day trips. She was the PERFECT Nan. She’s someone I wish wasn’t taken away from me.

When I was at my lowest, I needed her. I need her today. Tomorrow. The next day. My Nan was my rock. I could trust her. I could confide in her. She was my Nan.

Suicide, bullying, my Mum’s first Cancer battle…

I really needed her. I needed her shoulder to cry on. I needed someone I could call and know there’ll be there for me. The pink wafer biscuits. The glasses of milk. The sleepovers we would have. I felt safe. I felt my Nan was the one person I could talk to about anything and she’d listen. She’d take me to little villages to give me some head space. She’d make me lunches full of the things I loved most. She was the best.

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She still is the best

I wish there for a chance for me to spend one more day with her. I wish I could show her the person I am today. She inspired me. I want to tell her that.

I feel her here. I know she’s next to me. I know she’s looking down on me. She’s on this journey with me. A journey to carry her legacy on. Her legacy is my motivation.

She was a community person. She helped so many people. She wouldn’t judge. She’d be there with open arms. She is the person I aspire to be. She’s the person I still look up to today.

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The heartache never leaves you

Losing her is still raw. It feels like it just happened. She’s in my heart. She’s in my thoughts.

When you lose someone, it’s heartbreaking. I felt it when I wrote this post. The people you love are never forgotten. They’re always with you. Even just their soul. You know they’re with you. They guide you. They inspire you. The memories you have still brighten your day.

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I just wish I had more time with her…

I woke up the morning after visiting her in hospital and my Mum was in bits. I remember this too well. I knew what happened. Her tears told me. My Nan, Mum and I are so alike. It’s unreal.

I couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t speak. I ran and ran. My bedroom door was shut. I was hurled up in a ball. I lost someone. I lost the one I looked up to. I lost the person who made me smile the most. I lost the only person I felt truly safe around.


I miss her you know. I was only a kid. A kid when the start of the toughest period of my life appeared.

More to come…


Images taken by Tajinder Kaur

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9 thoughts on “My Nan was taken away when I needed her most…

  1. I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this, I lost my Nan to cancer last July and she really was my rock, my role model and my everything. I’m missing her every day and really find it hard sometimes to cope without her so fully understand where you are coming from. Please know you’re not alone. Thank you so much for sharing such a wonderfully open and honest written blog post. I’m sending you all of the love šŸ’œ

    With love, Alisha Valerie x | http://www.alishavalerie.com

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  2. Sorry you had to go through this. We all lose someone we love at one point or another. You never get over it but you remember them forever and can smile about the times you had together! I think about my nan every day.

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  3. I understand this all too well, this is how I feel about my father. He passed when I was 15, and I feel like I missed out on so much with him that he should have been there for – he never saw me graduate, leave for University, never met my husband, didn’t get to walk me down the aisle, etc. What I would give for just another moment with him.
    Britt | http://alternativelyspeaking.ca

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  4. There are no words to says “everything is going to be alright” when you deal with or remember with the loss of a loved one. I miss my grandmothers too and still vividly remember the little details of my maternal grandmother, the one who I bonded with the most. Those memories still haunt me.

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