Vulnerability is beautiful

Embrace your feelings. Open up your mind. Jot down your thoughts. Write them up on your phone. I wish I had done this growing up…

Vulnerability has never been embraced until now. I didn’t understand my feelings. I didn’t understand how to use them. I didn’t know how to express them.

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Bottling up my feelings left me drained. I excluded myself from the world. I went into a bubble and things went downhill. I felt I was being sucked into a hole. The hole became tighter and tighter. The tightness got too much and I wanted to burst.

Well I did….

I burst open the hole and said enough was enough. I didn’t like who I was. I didn’t like what I saw around me. 4 walls isn’t beautiful. Beautiful was within. It wasn’t appearing though.

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I began to understand. I put myself out there. I saw a glimmer of hope. I felt it. I looked up, and there he was…JOHN SENNETT!!! Who was I then? What did I become? Where did I go wrong?

Nothing went wrong. It’s called life. Movement comes with heartbreak. Heartbreak that fills you with darkness. Darkness that’s waiting to be placed in the light. That light is me. The light was always me. But how? What did that even mean?

It meant I was stronger than I thought. It meant I was the barrier. It meant I was doing something right. I let my emotions speak for themselves. I might have been in a dark hole, but that’s how I felt. I let myself feel what I did, and it helped me to get through it.

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It helped me to squeeze myself out of the hole and to hold my hand up. To hold my hand up strong saying, “I got through this!”. JOHN SENNETT got through this. THAT’S ME!!! I AM JOHN SENNETT!!!

I let myself be vulnerable and I learned from it. I learned who I was, and why I was feeling what I was feeling. Life is going to bite you on the backside from time to time. That’s part of being a human. Humanity is shit. Humanity is also great. Humanity shows what people have learned and how we’re using it.

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Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you’re struggling, you’re not weak for speaking to someone. If you know someone whose struggling, listening helps. Together, we can let more people know it’s OK to feel vulnerable. 

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